Wednesday, January 20, 2010

PHILOSURFER

DAWN OF THE DONKEYS
ARGHHHH UGHHHH
No one is safe. Like the hordes of brain devouring zombies in George Romero's cult classic, Night of the Living Dead, they seem to flow froman incessant stream of pure evil. They move without coordination, mindless creatures who appear like you and me, yet seem to be unconscious of their surroundings, driven by a desire to have a piece of that which you hold so dear. No, I'm not talking about your brains. They want your waves.

Nothing compares to the sheer terror of taking off on an oily, head high set at your favorite break, only to see a path littered with turtle turning trolls and fat floundering funboarders. Have you ever been bludgeoned by a 50 pound stray stand up paddleboard? Does fearing for your life over three times within a two and a half hour time frame sound like fun to you? Personally, sometimes I'd rather face an undead army of ghouls than go surfing in Santa Cruz during the summertime.

Kooks are taking over our lineups and no one is safe. What can you do about it, you ask? Well I'll tell you. You must shoot these demons in the head, and vanquish their corrupted souls to the underworld from which they came. Eh,wait a second. Scratch that. All joking aside, it seems there's no way to combat the legions of kooks who swarm our beaches, clog our lineups,and ruin our sessions.

Before you despair, there are two things to think about that may help your troubled mind. First of all, remember back to the time when you surfed for the first time. Remember how much excitement and happiness you experienced during those first few waves. Isn't that feeling of joy the same thing which draws people to surfing in the first place? Who are we to withhold this pleasure from others?

For every poser or wannabe surfing for the wrong reasons, there are ten who are simply doing it for the chance to partake in the surreal, ethereal moments of bliss experienced while gliding across a moving, liquid canvas. Second, think about all the untapped breaks going unridden all over the world.The fact is that if packed lineups are keeping you from enjoying surfing, go search! Think how all the world's current surf destinations were discovered. Surfers became unsatisfied with their usual spots, grabbed maps, and went on the hunt. Sure, surfing is be an extremely independent, personal activity, yet life is too short to get worked up over something that is inevitable. Besides, surfers these days are too lazy, we need a challenge like donkey dodging to keep us sharp.

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